Everyday

As a warning to my friends, you SHOULD NOT read the following entry if you feel your life is screwed up enough for it would make you feel even worse.

Everyday
When I go to bed at 3am in the morning
I dread falling asleep
For I fear waking up
Into a world of nightmares.

Everyday
Each step I take
Seems so heavy
Every breath
So laboured
Every beat of my heart
I can only feel
The slipping away of life
Doing things I hate
Or trying to love the people I hate

Everyday
I wonder when that day would finally end
I start a countdown
From the instant I open my eyes
To the instant when Im deep in sleep enough
To stop hating myself

Everyday
I pray for the day
When everything would be all right
But what is all right?
I dunno truly
But I guess I know it's all right
When I can fall asleep not haunted
by the arrival of next day
And wake up
Taking my first breath of the day
Out of desire
Not by forced will.